yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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