Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
