The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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