There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize