At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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