I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
