I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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