i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
