just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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