I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
