My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize