About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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