And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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