Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
