Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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