When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
50% drunk capacity currently
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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