I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
