i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
