chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
