Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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