me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
