I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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