So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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