After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
