It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
