I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
