he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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