During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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