I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
