My friends, they love my intelligence
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
