Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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