I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
