My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
