oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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