can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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