I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize