she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize