Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
