i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
