My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
