OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize