we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
