you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
