you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
