You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
