ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
