Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
