Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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