im holly from the hills drunk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
