Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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