and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
