That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
