Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
