Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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