Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize