Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
