omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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