Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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