Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
