i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
