Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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