Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
