apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
