Just fell off a train. Bad.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
