So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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