You just made me feel so damn special
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
