why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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