you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
