I love black thongs
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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