I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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