So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
