if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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