My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
