Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
