So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
