How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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